| all of my friends just came home from this amazing missions trip to jamica that i didnt go on because of my health and basically fear. and a lot of stuff has been going on this summer, and basically it comes down to when they came home and started talking about it and how amazing it was. how God was really there and that His love was all around it really hit me. i started realizing how much i was disliking myself and what i had sorta became. not an amy that i really liked. so i prayed and talked toa few people made a few changes in my life some descisions and steped up a little bit. But it didnt really hit til today at church when i heard all their testimonys and i realized how far i had really gotten. i listened to each person speak about the time they just had with God, how each different person had a different special story and how happy tehy were. and i got jealous and i realized that i needed osme help. the service was planned out perfecly. the whole team ran the service, they would have 2 or 3 testimoneys than 2 or 3 songs so you can imagine that everyone got more emotional the longer hte serivce went. they started talking about how their worship down there showed sooo much praise. 2 hours of singing and dancing, and screaming out to God. everyday. thats crazy. and i thought about how most of our church serivces go, we sing 4 songs pray and hten have a lesson for 40 minutes and if it goes 5 minutes over we're like OMGOSH. so it really was a slap in the face. we're so selfish, so not thankful for anything we have. we are so blessed yet we complain. and i looked into my own life and really just got sick of it. ive been leading a very fake life. ive gotten so numb to everything around me and just accept it. id think id be doing okay by comparisons and talking to God when i needed him. But i had it soo wrong, and for soo long Hes been trying to tell me and my head and heart wouldnt have it til today. i talked to sam, one of my best friends for hours and it really helped me, i compltely just vented out it felt realllly good. and like 4 or 5 summers ago we promised to be accountabilty partners at camp bethel and we idk i guess didnt reallllly know what it meant ya know. but we did it for a while. so i think this time going into our senior yaer at different schools we are really going to make an effort. i told her a lot of things i want to try and change and do and accomplish and shes gonna hold me to it, and she told me a few things she was dealing with and we made plans to maek sure we take time out to hang out once twice a week outside of church or youth group to talk. becuase if we cant do it now in our senior year when we live close to each other, than there is NO possible way we can do it hte next year in college. and i know that i am subposed to be her friend. i know that i need her to help me be strong. so i just descided to write this basically to vent, but partly maybe for a few of you that actually still use and read xanga to maybe gain a little something from what ive just been put infront of. i would ask you all to pray for me, and possible contact me with advice or encouragement for me. im about to enter into a very important year for myself. it has the chances of being the best year of my life or something htat can really break me and i could fail. im praying and hoping that i will be able to fulfill with God all the things i talked to sam about tonight and will talk to her about in the future. That i will be able to be who God wants and knows i can be. because i feel it in me, i know its there, im just terrified to let it out and let it shine. me and sam are also going to start going to adult sunday school classes, this first class we're gonna take for fall is applied christianity, which will consist of learning about doing prayer walks and hten actually doing htem that sunday school hour, around the neighborhoods around our church, which is also scary cuase thats where i live..and that will defently be a set out of my comfort zone. so ive got a lot instore for me this year with trying to get a job keep up in all my classes and a phase one english class adn my health and getting college applications out and starting thinking about the future. so please pray for me, and email me at fishy0307@hotmail.com probably when school starts getting going im gonna need it more, just encouragement to keep going, and really let God have my heart, and kick satan to the curb, and live my life for God so yah sorry this is raelly long and i hope a few of you read it
how great is our God, sing with me
how great is our God, and all will see
how great, how great is our God
(thats that song that really got me today, lol, i love this song!) |
